Jealousy. Your Green Eyed Friend

You know what? Nothing has felt as isolating as jealousy.

I remember a specific time at the beginning of my relationship where I truly felt jealous.

My boyfriend and I held a party together and one of his friends invited a few of his housemates (without asking, of course). One of those housemates was a charismatic, attractive, tall woman. She pranced around and entertained my party guests like the social butterfly that she is.

Now I already know that you, as the reader, are thinking of that woman who has made you feel jealous and I can feel the heat from your blood boiling from over here. Well that's the thing about jealousy though, isn't it? It's that we tend to forget the value of ourselves in that moment of seeing green.

We compare what we dislike about ourselves, to whatever makes that woman great. And you know what happens when we do that? We become so vulnerable to our negative thoughts. Especially.. especially if you are bringing the value of your worth down.

It's all well and good to say that you're thinking low of yourself and putter her on a pedastal isn't it? Well there's also the other very tricky thing about jealousy. Is that jealousy is a feeling. 

You see the situation unfold before your very eyes. You see her white sparkly smile engaging your boyfriend's eyes. You see him give a big wide smile in return of whatever it is that's so amazing that she has said. Then BAM! You have been struck with miss Jealousy.

It's an overwhelming feeling. A feeling before a thought, isn't it?

What's isolating about feeling jealous is that if you open this up to your boyfriend you are called crazy. Ugh. That word. You then feel like maybe you are.. right? Maybe every other woman in this world is so much cooler than you and never gets jealous.

OR

You keep your feelings to yourself and let your little pot boil, bubble, pop. Then a month later you're yelling at your partner about how he watched your favourite show without you and how he doesn't care about you or love you and how he would rather be with someone else because he watched that show without you and maybe he would rather be with that girl from the party!

Breathe
You are not isolated. We've all been there and it is such a horrible feeling. What advice can I give to you based on my own experiences? Yes.. there's been multiple experiences.

Well it takes time and you will never be perfect. No one ever is. But the first thing you need to work on is recognising the value of yourself and holding it high.

The next thing, in the moment of feeling jealousy. Is to RECOGNISE that feeling. Welcome her and let her sit there. Then nip her right on the bud. Talk with her (miss jealousy) about how your overwhelming feelings don't match up with reality. That the girl from the party will go home eventually and that your partner will probably never remember that exchange. He will never remember that girl he saw passing by him in the street.

That single triggering moment that causes jealousy will pass. For him, it should pass in seconds to minutes. So in that moment you need to just say to yourself "Reality is.. he is coming home with me tonight.. and he loves me. Also, I am also a great person."

Make jealousy your friend. Welcome it.. and then say a polite goodbye because she is generally not welcome.

At other times, to deal with jealousy.. it really helps to get to know the person you have felt jealous of. Keep your friends close and your jealousy-inducing victims closer. That way you can see the human side of them. And if you happen to end up liking her, you are a lot less likely to feel such negative emotions about her.

If all else fails, I say to you one thing. **** her and rant about it to me. Because I am here to listen because you are not isolated !

Yours truly,

Feather Sally

Where do I begin? From the start, I suppose.

Hey lovely,

Have you grabbed yourself a glass of wine yet? Let's begin this journey, shall we?

I'm sitting here in bed in on this crispy night, covered in my floral doona and in the company of my lap cat.  It's the middle of winter and, boy I really do feel that in my toes tonight. I have some girly tunes playing in my ears , but let's be real, I don't usually. Usually, at least lately, you will find me browsing youtube, diving deep. My favourite go to youtuber? Jenna Marbles of course. But tonight is different. Tonight I am trying this new thing where I am starting a blog. Why? Well a few reasons. I want to start a hobbie and the idea of being able to write as well as share my story sounds appealing. Also, there seems to be something therapeutic about the idea of writing my thoughts and feelings, as well as things that happen to me on a day to day basis. If anyone reads my blog then that's just a bonus.. but for now, I will see it as my own personal journal - which will also happen to be very public. Eep!

In the distance I can hear my boyfriend chatting to his online friends while he plays his nerdy computer game. We've been together for about three years and it's been a rocky one, to say the least. I feel like facebook is the worst. Facebook really disguises the realness in all of us. It is created to bring us closer but I honestly think it distances us from each other even more. Have you ever found yourself scrolling on facebook and come across that couple's planned photography picture, for their engagement or wedding or whatever the fuck - and just felt like shit? The worst part is, you will never know the fight they had in the car on the way there about how he didn't IMMEDIATELY compliment her on her new lipstick shade. That's the problem with these perfectionist couples. It means they fight about things that lack the relationship from being "perfect". It's all about the image.

So I guess what I am trying to say is.. why don't we hear more about the real stuff? Like how sometimes we wonder if the one we're with is truly the one? The "one".. What a ridiculous concept isn't it? Out of the 7 billion people in the world, you think Larry is the one. Larry, who had lived in your local town, 20 minutes away from you. Larry who you met on Tinder. He's the one, is he? What holds a relationship is the shit that you can get through and come out alive together from it on the other side. That's what is real.

I'll clock out for now...

Yours truly,
Feather Sally