Recognise My Baby
Hey midwife, I see you... and hey nurses.. this is a solute to you as well
What an advertisement, wasn't it? The reason you put your life on halt, to study this midwifery role that is every womans dream - or so it seems. I want to say hello.. how are you doing? Is it what you thought? ....
I became a midwife.. not quite knowing what I was getting myself in to. Well, who knew I'd be smart enough to get into the course to become a midwife. It was, after all, the hardest degree to get in to, on stride with medicine.
Here's the part that I struggle to put into words..
To be a midwife was and is my passion. It is a huge part of my heart and soul to be the carer of a woman , her baby and her family; in a critical and valuable moment in her life. I have studied it prefusely.. passionately.. how can I be the best I can be so I can have the privilege to stand by and watch a woman be the amazing self that she is? How can I be worthy of that? Well, I was.. and I am..
It is not what we thought it would be. Not now, not for the last.. what... 50 or so years?
It's not one born every minute. That's us on the utmost, best day - and that's with the pressure of a camera on that hospital. As a viewer , that seems beautiful, some added piano music and cut scenes. Perfection. The midwife who's watching? Depressing.
Not only are midwives underpaid and continuously understaffed; we are undermined. Did you know your baby doesn't count as a human being, with health needs, once it's born? No. But did you know midwives care and do everything in their power to ensure that not only you are well, but so is your little bubba. What I'm saying is.. is if a nurse is given 8 patients then a nurse has 8 patients. If a midwife is given 8 patients, then a midwife has 8 women to care for, as well as her babies. Just because they're tiny with no voice to speak, doesn't mean theyre not valuable humans, who's well being should be accounted for by the hospital. The hospital should ensure they hire enough staff to care for the families in the maternity ward.
It's not only in a midwives heart, that they care; but if they didn't.. they'd be sued and have their license taken away from them if anything happened to this newborn baby. This newborn baby who doesn't exist in a hospital - who doesn't exist at all until the parents choose to register it a while later after their birth.
So there your midwife is, caring for you, listening to you and your husband talk about whatever it is you need- asking to have your juice passed to you, asking to have the bed re-made. Asking what temperature your baby is. There the midwife is, crying with you, holding your hand because she or he cares about you, and your wellbeing. And there that same midwife is, going home after the shift is over, to finally have a dinner break, and to finally do a wee in the toilet. And there that midwife is, crying about the same thing you cried to her about that day. She feels it. She will go in to work the next day thinking and hoping she can continue to be there for you. Because we are sold this passion.
It's not about the birth, we learn quickly. Because we learn too quickly how medicalised and little control we have to empower what's normal. If a woman isn't given midwifery centred care; they are more likely to have a medicalised birth. I'm sorry to say that.. I really am.. What if I told you that you and your body are perfectly healthy and able to give birth. What if I told you, that statisticaly, women and their babies had better health-related outcomes prior to the introduction of medicalised centered births? It's funny isn't it? It really isn't... It's just the truth.
What you might find, instead, is young obstetricians, who are afraid of normal. They are afraid to sit on their hands and watch a normal natural process happen (childbirth). The reason for so many instrumental births? When you realise the statistical evidence of how many unwarranted cesareans occur due to obstetricians fear, you.. yourself.. might realise how important a calm midwife is. How important it is for a calm midwife to centre the room and hold our hand. We've got this. It;s childbirth, after all. It's okay.
What's left of us to give is brushed under the carpet and we are asked to pass the water. We are told to make the beds. We are told we have 5 women that day when babies aren't included in our care - so that's another 5 (at least) living souls that arent accounted for, unless if something goes wrong. Then, of course, we are called to answer why we didn't care..
Why aren't doctors asked to make beds and pass water? Doctors are amazing.. but it's about time we take away the stigma that the roles of nurses and midwives are seen so critically less-important than the doctor, Not only are we so important, midwives are sometimes the main carer, from before pregnancy, during birth, and after pregnancy. The responsibility is high, the demand, the mental capacity, the wealth of knowledge, the accreditation; all stand high. These are well educated, smart health professionals who are being pushed to the brink.
Nurses and midwives are, today, a part of a profession that has been deemed as a 'job for women' and therefore are unrecognised as important and are underpaid, undervalued, understaffed and overworked.
Not only is it about time we support our health care team - but its about fucking time we recognise babies in the hospitals as human beings and patients from the second they are born. Count them as a patient. This is our future generation being swept under the rugs, until something happens to them.. then it matters whether or not they were looked after properly. Not on. Get your shit together, world. Give midwives a reason to be passionate again.
So if I swing this around in a nice sensible circle, let me say this. Not only did I not know, as a 19 year old young woman, not know what a midwife was. I dare you to ask any male, who hasn't witnessed a baby come out of his partner's vagina, what a midwife is. They will struggle, no matter the age.
It doesn't matter how well I adapted the idea of being a midwife into my soul and have it becom part of my reason to live, my reason for existance. I have very quickly realised, whilst obsering my senior midwifery colleagues; that no matter your age, no matter how passionate and invaluable you are to the wellbeing of every life that you have part of; that midwife will run on their feet from room to room. They will struggle to break from the room of one crying woman to another woman who asks why her air-conditioning isn't working. The midwife will cry with a woman grieving over her fetal death , holding her hand. The midwife will leave the room and be demanded by a husband why the his wife's bins havent been changed over.
Until babies are recognised, midwives will ALWAYS be understaffed, Your baby, will forever lack fundamental care.
So.. the midwife will go and change those bins with a smile. The midwife will continue to run.. and runn.. but to the woman, the midwife will seem calm and steady.. Loving, in fact. But the midwife would not have eaten. The midwife will go home to her family who not only lack the understanding of what it takes for someone to be a shift worker.. but they will lack what it takes to be a shift worker, but a shift worker who brings home a heavy heart, only in hopes that it helps the woman's heart feel a little lighter ..
Midwife.
With woman
#Recogniseourfuckingbabies
Jealousy. Your Green Eyed Friend
You know what? Nothing has felt as isolating as jealousy.
I remember a specific time at the beginning of my relationship where I truly felt jealous.
My boyfriend and I held a party together and one of his friends invited a few of his housemates (without asking, of course). One of those housemates was a charismatic, attractive, tall woman. She pranced around and entertained my party guests like the social butterfly that she is.
Now I already know that you, as the reader, are thinking of that woman who has made you feel jealous and I can feel the heat from your blood boiling from over here. Well that's the thing about jealousy though, isn't it? It's that we tend to forget the value of ourselves in that moment of seeing green.
We compare what we dislike about ourselves, to whatever makes that woman great. And you know what happens when we do that? We become so vulnerable to our negative thoughts. Especially.. especially if you are bringing the value of your worth down.
It's all well and good to say that you're thinking low of yourself and putter her on a pedastal isn't it? Well there's also the other very tricky thing about jealousy. Is that jealousy is a feeling.
You see the situation unfold before your very eyes. You see her white sparkly smile engaging your boyfriend's eyes. You see him give a big wide smile in return of whatever it is that's so amazing that she has said. Then BAM! You have been struck with miss Jealousy.
It's an overwhelming feeling. A feeling before a thought, isn't it?
What's isolating about feeling jealous is that if you open this up to your boyfriend you are called crazy. Ugh. That word. You then feel like maybe you are.. right? Maybe every other woman in this world is so much cooler than you and never gets jealous.
OR
You keep your feelings to yourself and let your little pot boil, bubble, pop. Then a month later you're yelling at your partner about how he watched your favourite show without you and how he doesn't care about you or love you and how he would rather be with someone else because he watched that show without you and maybe he would rather be with that girl from the party!
Breathe
You are not isolated. We've all been there and it is such a horrible feeling. What advice can I give to you based on my own experiences? Yes.. there's been multiple experiences.
Well it takes time and you will never be perfect. No one ever is. But the first thing you need to work on is recognising the value of yourself and holding it high.
The next thing, in the moment of feeling jealousy. Is to RECOGNISE that feeling. Welcome her and let her sit there. Then nip her right on the bud. Talk with her (miss jealousy) about how your overwhelming feelings don't match up with reality. That the girl from the party will go home eventually and that your partner will probably never remember that exchange. He will never remember that girl he saw passing by him in the street.
That single triggering moment that causes jealousy will pass. For him, it should pass in seconds to minutes. So in that moment you need to just say to yourself "Reality is.. he is coming home with me tonight.. and he loves me. Also, I am also a great person."
Make jealousy your friend. Welcome it.. and then say a polite goodbye because she is generally not welcome.
At other times, to deal with jealousy.. it really helps to get to know the person you have felt jealous of. Keep your friends close and your jealousy-inducing victims closer. That way you can see the human side of them. And if you happen to end up liking her, you are a lot less likely to feel such negative emotions about her.
If all else fails, I say to you one thing. **** her and rant about it to me. Because I am here to listen because you are not isolated !
Yours truly,
Feather Sally
I remember a specific time at the beginning of my relationship where I truly felt jealous.
My boyfriend and I held a party together and one of his friends invited a few of his housemates (without asking, of course). One of those housemates was a charismatic, attractive, tall woman. She pranced around and entertained my party guests like the social butterfly that she is.
Now I already know that you, as the reader, are thinking of that woman who has made you feel jealous and I can feel the heat from your blood boiling from over here. Well that's the thing about jealousy though, isn't it? It's that we tend to forget the value of ourselves in that moment of seeing green.
We compare what we dislike about ourselves, to whatever makes that woman great. And you know what happens when we do that? We become so vulnerable to our negative thoughts. Especially.. especially if you are bringing the value of your worth down.
It's all well and good to say that you're thinking low of yourself and putter her on a pedastal isn't it? Well there's also the other very tricky thing about jealousy. Is that jealousy is a feeling.
You see the situation unfold before your very eyes. You see her white sparkly smile engaging your boyfriend's eyes. You see him give a big wide smile in return of whatever it is that's so amazing that she has said. Then BAM! You have been struck with miss Jealousy.
It's an overwhelming feeling. A feeling before a thought, isn't it?
What's isolating about feeling jealous is that if you open this up to your boyfriend you are called crazy. Ugh. That word. You then feel like maybe you are.. right? Maybe every other woman in this world is so much cooler than you and never gets jealous.
OR
You keep your feelings to yourself and let your little pot boil, bubble, pop. Then a month later you're yelling at your partner about how he watched your favourite show without you and how he doesn't care about you or love you and how he would rather be with someone else because he watched that show without you and maybe he would rather be with that girl from the party!
Breathe
You are not isolated. We've all been there and it is such a horrible feeling. What advice can I give to you based on my own experiences? Yes.. there's been multiple experiences.
Well it takes time and you will never be perfect. No one ever is. But the first thing you need to work on is recognising the value of yourself and holding it high.
The next thing, in the moment of feeling jealousy. Is to RECOGNISE that feeling. Welcome her and let her sit there. Then nip her right on the bud. Talk with her (miss jealousy) about how your overwhelming feelings don't match up with reality. That the girl from the party will go home eventually and that your partner will probably never remember that exchange. He will never remember that girl he saw passing by him in the street.
That single triggering moment that causes jealousy will pass. For him, it should pass in seconds to minutes. So in that moment you need to just say to yourself "Reality is.. he is coming home with me tonight.. and he loves me. Also, I am also a great person."
Make jealousy your friend. Welcome it.. and then say a polite goodbye because she is generally not welcome.
At other times, to deal with jealousy.. it really helps to get to know the person you have felt jealous of. Keep your friends close and your jealousy-inducing victims closer. That way you can see the human side of them. And if you happen to end up liking her, you are a lot less likely to feel such negative emotions about her.
If all else fails, I say to you one thing. **** her and rant about it to me. Because I am here to listen because you are not isolated !
Yours truly,
Feather Sally
Where do I begin? From the start, I suppose.
Hey lovely,
Have you grabbed yourself a glass of wine yet? Let's begin this journey, shall we?
I'm sitting here in bed in on this crispy night, covered in my floral doona and in the company of my lap cat. It's the middle of winter and, boy I really do feel that in my toes tonight. I have some girly tunes playing in my ears , but let's be real, I don't usually. Usually, at least lately, you will find me browsing youtube, diving deep. My favourite go to youtuber? Jenna Marbles of course. But tonight is different. Tonight I am trying this new thing where I am starting a blog. Why? Well a few reasons. I want to start a hobbie and the idea of being able to write as well as share my story sounds appealing. Also, there seems to be something therapeutic about the idea of writing my thoughts and feelings, as well as things that happen to me on a day to day basis. If anyone reads my blog then that's just a bonus.. but for now, I will see it as my own personal journal - which will also happen to be very public. Eep!
In the distance I can hear my boyfriend chatting to his online friends while he plays his nerdy computer game. We've been together for about three years and it's been a rocky one, to say the least. I feel like facebook is the worst. Facebook really disguises the realness in all of us. It is created to bring us closer but I honestly think it distances us from each other even more. Have you ever found yourself scrolling on facebook and come across that couple's planned photography picture, for their engagement or wedding or whatever the fuck - and just felt like shit? The worst part is, you will never know the fight they had in the car on the way there about how he didn't IMMEDIATELY compliment her on her new lipstick shade. That's the problem with these perfectionist couples. It means they fight about things that lack the relationship from being "perfect". It's all about the image.
So I guess what I am trying to say is.. why don't we hear more about the real stuff? Like how sometimes we wonder if the one we're with is truly the one? The "one".. What a ridiculous concept isn't it? Out of the 7 billion people in the world, you think Larry is the one. Larry, who had lived in your local town, 20 minutes away from you. Larry who you met on Tinder. He's the one, is he? What holds a relationship is the shit that you can get through and come out alive together from it on the other side. That's what is real.
I'll clock out for now...
Yours truly,
Feather Sally
Have you grabbed yourself a glass of wine yet? Let's begin this journey, shall we?
I'm sitting here in bed in on this crispy night, covered in my floral doona and in the company of my lap cat. It's the middle of winter and, boy I really do feel that in my toes tonight. I have some girly tunes playing in my ears , but let's be real, I don't usually. Usually, at least lately, you will find me browsing youtube, diving deep. My favourite go to youtuber? Jenna Marbles of course. But tonight is different. Tonight I am trying this new thing where I am starting a blog. Why? Well a few reasons. I want to start a hobbie and the idea of being able to write as well as share my story sounds appealing. Also, there seems to be something therapeutic about the idea of writing my thoughts and feelings, as well as things that happen to me on a day to day basis. If anyone reads my blog then that's just a bonus.. but for now, I will see it as my own personal journal - which will also happen to be very public. Eep!
In the distance I can hear my boyfriend chatting to his online friends while he plays his nerdy computer game. We've been together for about three years and it's been a rocky one, to say the least. I feel like facebook is the worst. Facebook really disguises the realness in all of us. It is created to bring us closer but I honestly think it distances us from each other even more. Have you ever found yourself scrolling on facebook and come across that couple's planned photography picture, for their engagement or wedding or whatever the fuck - and just felt like shit? The worst part is, you will never know the fight they had in the car on the way there about how he didn't IMMEDIATELY compliment her on her new lipstick shade. That's the problem with these perfectionist couples. It means they fight about things that lack the relationship from being "perfect". It's all about the image.
So I guess what I am trying to say is.. why don't we hear more about the real stuff? Like how sometimes we wonder if the one we're with is truly the one? The "one".. What a ridiculous concept isn't it? Out of the 7 billion people in the world, you think Larry is the one. Larry, who had lived in your local town, 20 minutes away from you. Larry who you met on Tinder. He's the one, is he? What holds a relationship is the shit that you can get through and come out alive together from it on the other side. That's what is real.
I'll clock out for now...
Yours truly,
Feather Sally
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